SUCCESS RATIO

Are you aware of how many moments we experience every day? It probably amounts to several thousands. How do you use them? Do you fill them with positive emotions? Very often we focus on what is wrong and tell people what they do is wrong instead of patting them on the back for what they did well.

I recently read a book with some very interesting examples about the influence of positive actions. The name of the book is “HOW FULL IS YOUR BUCKET?” by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton. The authors mention a study of 180 elderly Catholic nuns which revealed that nuns with more positive emotions lived longer than nuns with fewer positive emotions. The study included handwritten autobiographies each nun had written when she was in her twenties. The occurrence of positive emotions in the writings was scored and compared to death rates for the nuns when they were 75 to 95 years old. The nuns who experienced more positive emotions lived about 10 years longer.

The frequency of positive acts might be much more important than you thought. Another example of the result of our interaction with others is John Gottman’s research on marriages (mentioned in “HOW FULL IS YOUR BUCKET?”). Gottman found that marriages were much more likely to succeed if the couple’s interactions were 5 positive interactions to 1 negative interaction.

Gottman worked with two mathematicians to study people who had just married. The study started in 1992 with 700 couples who had just married. The researchers videotaped a 15 minutes conversation between husband and wife. They counted the number of positive and negative interactions and predicted whether the couple would stay together or divorce. They used the 5 positive to 1 negative ratio to make the prognoses.

Ten years later Gottman studied the results. They were fantastic! The predictions were 94% accurate. This study shows how important our interactions with each other are, not only for couples but also for children and in the workplace. How can one develop the skill of making life great for others – and self? How were your last interactions with people? If you find you often are acting in a negative way, you can start using a “stop” button next time you are about to point out that someone is wrong. You can ask yourself, “What would be different if I decide not to tell the other person he or she is wrong? Or ask, “How do I know that I am right and the other person is wrong?”

However, there are times when it is necessary to correct mistakes and find out how to manage weaknesses. A Pollyanna method completely ignoring the negative can cause false optimism. There must be reality behind being positive.

To find out how you fill your bucket, you can go to the web site www.bucketbook.com.

I wish you a lot of ratios 5 to 1.